At almost age 5 Gavin is really starting to notice the world around him and has figured out he is not like other kids. He can't walk.
It really started to become apparent a few months ago when the kids were playing the Wii. The girls were making Gavin his own Mii, and his cousin said, in her really excited voice, "Gavin on the Wii you can walk." At the time, Gavin didn't seem phased, but that night in his sleep he started yelling, "I can't walk, I can't walk". Oh, how I cried.
Many times out of the blue, he would say, "I can't walk". Sometimes, I would say, "no you can't walk, but you are a great driver and you get to drive your cool bike all over". This didn't seem to make him very happy and a while later he said out of the blue, "my mom said I can't walk". Stab right to the heart. I think he was beginning to think it was my fault.
At an appointment the other day Gavin was being very fidgety and seemed frustrated, I asked him what he was doing and he said he wanted to get big. I had been praying for an opportunity to talk to him a little more and I felt this was it. I said, "why, so you can walk?" He said "yeah". I told him "remember we need to help your legs get straighter and do exercises to help your legs get strong then we will see if you can walk, but we don't know yet". He was so mad at me and he stuck his tongue out and said "No". I said, "Gavin does it make you mad that you can't walk?" He said "yeah". "Gavin it makes mommy sad that you can't walk and if you can walk someday I will be very happy!" "No, mommy you will cry," he said. I told him "no Gavin, Mommy would be very happy if you could walk". He didn't say anything else and he hasn't mentioned it all week. I don't know if that is what he needed to hear or if I just missed it all together and he doesn't want to talk about it, but he seems to be much less frustrated and I think he just needed to know that it is OK to be sad about it.
I just want to say, "Gavin it stinks that you can't walk and I would give anything to make it so, but ..........what else do I say? I love you the way you are, you are so special, you can drive a cool wheelchair". Right now it is hard to look past the fact that no matter how everyone includes him and no matter what we do to give him independence, the fact is he can't walk and run. He hasn't said it yet, but someday he will be saying I can't use my hands. He can't pick things up. He can't use a spoon to feed himself without some complicated gadget. Yeah, it stinks! It stinks! It stinks! and I need to give him the freedom to grieve over that fact, but I will not allow him to stay there. He is a trooper and he will find the good in it all. He will do like he does most of the time and he will live life to the fullest without concern about what he can't do and he will move forward doing what he can.
Please pray for us as we will be starting counseling next week. We are hoping to learn how we can help him deal with all of the life issues he will be facing. Finding ways to help him deal with his grief of not being able to walk and not being able to do a lot of things he will want to do, but to help him find joy in being who God made him to be.
Many times out of the blue, he would say, "I can't walk". Sometimes, I would say, "no you can't walk, but you are a great driver and you get to drive your cool bike all over". This didn't seem to make him very happy and a while later he said out of the blue, "my mom said I can't walk". Stab right to the heart. I think he was beginning to think it was my fault.
At an appointment the other day Gavin was being very fidgety and seemed frustrated, I asked him what he was doing and he said he wanted to get big. I had been praying for an opportunity to talk to him a little more and I felt this was it. I said, "why, so you can walk?" He said "yeah". I told him "remember we need to help your legs get straighter and do exercises to help your legs get strong then we will see if you can walk, but we don't know yet". He was so mad at me and he stuck his tongue out and said "No". I said, "Gavin does it make you mad that you can't walk?" He said "yeah". "Gavin it makes mommy sad that you can't walk and if you can walk someday I will be very happy!" "No, mommy you will cry," he said. I told him "no Gavin, Mommy would be very happy if you could walk". He didn't say anything else and he hasn't mentioned it all week. I don't know if that is what he needed to hear or if I just missed it all together and he doesn't want to talk about it, but he seems to be much less frustrated and I think he just needed to know that it is OK to be sad about it.
I just want to say, "Gavin it stinks that you can't walk and I would give anything to make it so, but ..........what else do I say? I love you the way you are, you are so special, you can drive a cool wheelchair". Right now it is hard to look past the fact that no matter how everyone includes him and no matter what we do to give him independence, the fact is he can't walk and run. He hasn't said it yet, but someday he will be saying I can't use my hands. He can't pick things up. He can't use a spoon to feed himself without some complicated gadget. Yeah, it stinks! It stinks! It stinks! and I need to give him the freedom to grieve over that fact, but I will not allow him to stay there. He is a trooper and he will find the good in it all. He will do like he does most of the time and he will live life to the fullest without concern about what he can't do and he will move forward doing what he can.
Please pray for us as we will be starting counseling next week. We are hoping to learn how we can help him deal with all of the life issues he will be facing. Finding ways to help him deal with his grief of not being able to walk and not being able to do a lot of things he will want to do, but to help him find joy in being who God made him to be.
