Two years ago today Eli awoke as a normal healthy ten and a half month old little boy. He was already learning to walk along furniture and like most 10 month olds, he loved to feed himself and make a big mess. A short time later he was rushed to the hospital. He had been without oxygen for way too long. I believe he spent a little time in heaven that day, only to return to a place very much opposite of heaven. Eli's brain injury affected him to the brain stem. He was on a ventilator and the doctors were not sure he would make it through the night.

The night before I couldn't sleep. I felt very drawn to the idea of adopting again. Jeromy and I had talked about it before but he hadn't been ready yet. So, feeling a real desire to not drive him crazy, I went to bed without bugging him again. I felt like God kept telling me, if He wanted us to adopt he could make it happen without my help. As I couldn't sleep, I sat up and opened my Bible. I was searching for a verse to magically appear that said something like thou shalt adopt. Not finding this, I felt a little frustrated and began reading. Nothing seemed to be touching my heart then I saw some verses talking about fasting. I had just heard a great sermon on fasting and knew I could not make that commitment lightly. I committed to the Lord to fast until the next evening when I would eat dinner with my family. I asked the Lord to help me to wake up the next morning and help Jeromy get off to work (something I am not very good at doing). The next morning, I awoke early, made Jeromy coffee and helped him with his lunch. After he left I remembered my committment to the Lord. I then realized he had answered my prayer. As the afternoon went on I began to really struggle with keeping my commitment to the Lord. At about 4:4o I almost snitched a bit of brownie. Like God wouldn't see a little tiny bite. Then a song came on the radio about standing strong and I put the brownine down. Just minutes later the phone rang. It was the social worker that helped us complete Gavin's adoption. After a bit of small talk I said, so do you have a kiddo for us. She said " I might". She briefly told me what she knew about Eli and that the doctors didn't know if he would make it through the night. I immediately started crying. I told her I had been praying all day about taking another child. Soon after hanging up the phone Jeromy came home. I was standing there crying and trying to tell him of the days events. In the sweetest voice I have heard, he said, "lets pray." We stood together as a family and prayed for Eli and for wisdom from God.

We met Eli a week later and fell in love immediately. I know God gave us such a clear leading to take Eli, because if we didn't have that to remember, I think the days ahead would have been unbearable. If we had not been 100 % together in this decision or if we did not know this was God's leading we would have not made it. There has only been one time I have really questioned if we should take Eli and that time I was looking for a specific verse, which I couldn't find but as I searched, this verse almost popped off the page... "Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach." Deuteronomy 30:11

I know this verse is about loving the Lord not specifically adopting, but it spoke to my heart that day and encouraged me that we were doing what God had called us to do. It is because I love the Lord that I can love Eli so much and it is because of the Lord that caring for Eli hasn't been too difficult for us.

-- Stacy