Bittersweet

As we began our recent adoption journey we knew we were taking a big risk.  God prepared our hearts that the picture in the end could look different than the plans we had laid before us.
We began our journey watching the news and praying over our little guy, "Raymond". Our paperwork was going smoothly and we were loving the amazing support group this time through.  We didn't care for the name our little guy was given on the website and we just felt he needed a name we would stick with.  We settled on the perfect name. It's meaning, "God is gracious" or "A Gift from God".
As the days past we began to become more certain that bringing him home was looking more and more impossible.  It wasn't really a lack of faith as much as feeling The Lord was preparing us for something different. We did not want to give up but we became so very weary.  We grieved over our little guy and not knowing anything about how he was doing. We had many discussions and each time decided to wait.
While waiting we had a last minute opportunity for our 8 year old to have a surgery we have been waiting for. Through that surgery and the 7 weeks of recovery we felt more and more like God was giving us a glimpse of the hard year ahead of us with multiple surgeries and a lot of traveling.  We prayed a lot and I personally struggled through a lot of feelings.  Trying to be wise but feeling selfish for praying about if bringing home another child with severe needs was even doable.  We know God called us to our little guy and I just kept trusting that maybe he has developed more and was more able than the website portrayed.  Trusting God knows us and knows our abilities much better than we do. Through this time, one of our mentors suggested making a plan B.  I struggled through plan B, C, D, E and F. We discussed many children and the possibility of not even continuing the adoption. Some days we flew above the circumstances somedays I got caught up in fear, somedays I grasped at straws and many times felt like giving up.  Through it all God renewed us and continued to give us peace that He had a plan.

The months have passed and it will soon be time to travel. We cannot postpone our travel too long due to many circumstances such as paperwork beginning to expire, upcoming major surgeries and honestly emotionally waiting forever takes a serious toll on us.
As we waited we saw a little guy that we thought might be a perfect fit with our family. We waited and just a few days later a family posted they were hoping to commit to him. Just a little later he was chosen. :). He has a family coming for him very soon. Praise God!
Again we waited but then we saw another little guy being advocated for that snagged our hearts. We considered his age and needs and couldn't stop dreaming about his cute little smile.  Then someone posted his link to another site- in his language. His picture with his name!  The same name we had chosen for our son. "A gift from God"

We decided as a family to commit to him, knowing our fist little guy "Raymond" would not be available for very long time if ever.
Soon after committing to our newest little guy we got word that Raymond was officially no longer available. Our hearts break for our first little guy that will most likely remain stuck in a place where he will get minimal care and most likely never have a family. We will NEVER FORGET HIM. We will always pray for him and hope for him to know and love God.

Every child is a blessing and every child deserves to be loved.  We are so grateful for the many ways God has blessed us and we desire to share His love with our hopefully soon, newest edition.

Please meet our "Gift From God" aka Ashton.



http://reecesrainbow.org/44083/ashton


And TRUELY already he has been a gift. To be joyful again about our adoption journey. To want to complete our paperwork that has sat while we waited. To be given a peek into who he is because someone we know has met him. To have updated information and to know where he is. And to see how God gave us a name that really is our son's name.

Please pray with us that God's Will is done here on earth as it is in heaven. That God will move every mountain out of the way and that this precious little guy's heart will be prepared to be loved beyond imagination, because he has A LOT of people that love him already.